4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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