your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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