Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
