Four minutes until I can fart!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
