nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she peed on how many people?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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