return my video game
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm really busy with my period
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