oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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