just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
