No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I want you more than these girls want KFC
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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