So drunk its hurt
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well you can't waste a boner
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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