By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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