You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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