he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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