If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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