Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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