normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
