bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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