Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
