just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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