get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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