WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
