We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
