This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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