I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
