where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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