your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
