had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
