I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
