Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
