he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
