elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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