I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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