You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
there is puke in my bra ... again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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