dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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