Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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