you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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