Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
