so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
