his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
