the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am spending my child support on dildos
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
