Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
