The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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