She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
