idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
