if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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