I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
