So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
