I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
