sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
