Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
