anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
